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Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Foodie and Grumpy Season Two (c) 2016 ADB, Inc.

 EPISODE #1 (Part 3)

F: Okay, out of all of this mess, what can you make? How many meals?

G: Well, I can microwave the ravioli for one night, eat the soup the next night...

F: Do you heat it on the stove or in a microwave?

G: Heat? I just open the can and eat it with a spoon.

F: Sigh. Go on. How many more meals?

G: Well, I have the two TV dinners. They even have vegetables in them.

F: That's four meals, but mashed potatoes and tatter-tots aren't a vegetable. Pity that when the milk went bad you couldn't eat the corn flakes. With some fresh strawberries and non-sugar sweetener they could make a meal.

G: Oh, I eat the corn flakes as a snack. I haven't added milk since I was a kid, and strawberries would go bad before I even got started on the box.

F: What else do you have?

G: Pork & beans, two cans, that's meals five and six.

F: You have them by themselves?

G: Of course not, I have them with chips. Do you think I'm a heathen?

F: Moving along. You're up to six meals.

G: Pity I'm out of microwave popcorn.

F: Thank goodness for small bits of salvation.

G: Spaghetti makes seven.

F: Don't tell me you eat it out of the can?

G: Sometimes, but I usually make meat balls with it.

F: Out of what? A mix of ground pork and ground beef with three or four suitable spices, browned in a skillet?

G: No, I cut each Vienna sausage into three pieces. That gives me twenty-one ball-shaped pieces of meat. I mix them in a paper bowl with the spaghetti out of the can and microwave it for two minutes.

F: While I find both ingredients disgusting, at least you cooked something that wasn't out of a single can.

G: I've been known to add a can of chicken to a can of chicken and dumplings. Even a few peas, sometimes.

F: Careful, you're in serious danger of winning a culinary award for creativity.

G: You think so? Thanks! Anyway, I could boil some water and make the Ramen noodles. Two cups of them is supper for me. Then I can microwave the macaroni. That's nine meals. And I can make a ham and cheese sandwich for 10.

F: Please don't eat the ham. I don't want to have to break in a new partner.

G: Okay, but I can toast some bread, then put it and the cheese into the microwave for a few seconds and make  a grilled cheese sandwich. So, how did I do?

F: I would rate this an epic fail. Really, there's no flavor, not much nutrition, nothing healthy. You can do a lot better, and it's not that hard.

G: I'm all ears. I don't mind fresh food, but there's just one of me. It goes bad before I can finish it, or I have to eat the same thing three nights in a row.

F. Well, I can see your challenge. There are some things you can do there. Buy a smaller bottle of milk, for one. I bet you are buying the same size bottle your mother sent you to the store for a decade ago.

G. Come to think of it, yes.

F: Buy TV dinners that come with peas and carrots, not potatoes.

G: Okay, I can do that.

F: For another, check the dates on everything once a week. If something is going to go past its date in the next week, eat it before then. When you buy a loaf of bread, divide it into groups of four or six slices and freeze them in quart-size freezer bags. Thaw one out when you finish another. And eat some vegetables.

G: How? I don't want a whole can of peas & carrots with a whole can of ravioli.

F: Buy some small Tupperware bowls about the size of half of a can. Then buy some canned vegetables, like peas, green beans, mixed vegetables, or corn. When you open a can of veggies, put half of it into a container and have it a couple of days later with a can of meat, or better, half a can of meat. I'm not trying to fatten you up. Half a can of two different things is better for you than a whole can of one thing.

G: Unless I eat the same thing two nights in a row, I'll never keep track of the leftovers.

F: You have a normal-sized refrigerator and only one person using it. Use one shelf to organize things. Put the food for the next three meals into groups on that shelf. If you open a can of fruit or vegetables then put the other half of it with the third future meal. When something is getting close to its date, put it in line to eat tomorrow. And if your mother gives you something left over, put it in line and eat it before you forget about it. And don't forget to call her and thank her. She's probably providing you the best meal of your week.

G: Thanks for all the advice.