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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Foodie and Grumpy Season Two (c) 2016 ADB, Inc.

EPISODE #1 (Part 2)

F: Taking our lives in our hands, let's check the refrigerator. You have milk which has gone bad, beer, soft drinks, half a pack of sandwich ham that expired last week, half a jar of pickles, some mayonnaise and mustard, some of those plastic-wrapped yellow slices that you think are cheese, two cans of fruit cocktail, and two Tupperware boxes of ... something moldy.

G: Yeah, I gotta dump that stuff so I can take boxes back to Mom. They were some leftovers she sent me home with after Sunday dinner last week.

F: More like last month.

G: Last week, I swear!

F: Do I need to call her and ask?

G: Not really. Let me scrape those into the trash and put them into the dishwasher.

F: Now, what's missing from your refrigerator?

G: A decent bottle of wine for when I have a lady friend over. I got a bargain on something from Oklahoma.

F: Red or white?

G: Sort of pink, I think.

F: We'll discuss wine another day, except to mention that you're doing it all wrong. Now, what else is missing?

G: I think I have everything I need except a roll of ready-mixed chocolate-chip cookie dough.

F: You bake cookies?

G: No, I eat the raw cookie dough as a snack.

F: Never mind that for now, but please do not do it again. Even the package says not to do that. One more time, tell me what's missing.

G: Well, I guess I might need another can of fruit cocktail?

F: How about anything fresh? Anything in the vegetable crisper?

G: More beer.

F: [Sigh.] How about some fresh vegetables?

G: They go bad before I can eat a whole package of anything. I get by with salad bars in restaurants.

F: How about eggs? You eat eggs, don't you?

G: I have been known to scramble them, but that makes a lot of mess and I end up buying a new frying pan.

F: You could just hard boil them.

G: Too complicated. I'd have to buy a self-timing cooker.

F: Boil them in a pan of water for 20 minutes.

G: Too complicated. I'd have to listen for the timer to ding which means I can't wear the headphones for my video games.

F: Maybe your mother could boil them for you. Anyway. Let's check the freezer. Two TV dinners and ... something that might have been meat a year or two ago. What is it?

G: I think it's some hamburger I didn't have time to cook. The last time I grilled burgers for a lady friend, there was meat left over and she didn't want to take it to her dog.

F: Lucky dog. In future, you need to label things you put into the freezer with the month -- and in your case the year -- you put it there. If it has a birthday, throw it out.

G: Sounds like work, but okay.