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Friday, October 28, 2016

The Secret Order of the "F" and the "E"

MEMO: June 22, 2013
From: FBI SAIC, Columbus OH
To: Director of Homeland Security
Re: Suspected Terrorist Group "Order of the 'F' and the 'E'"

    The following are the transcripts of the listening devices planted in the designated meeting room of the target hotel.

Sound of knocking on door.
Voice #1: "Who is there?" [FBI Note: Data comparison with military recordings identifies this voice as a renegade colonel who left the Air Force under curious circumstances and has been involved with this terrorist group for some years.]
Voice #2: "Me ... Ted ... a friend ... Oh, yeah, I forgot ... a new brother in the order of the 'F' and the 'E' asks for entry into the conclave." [FBI Note: Data comparison with court transcripts identifies Voice #2 as a lawyer from Dallas, Texas. Further analysis of archives indicates that while this group has existed for years they did not begin using the name "the F and the E" until the last year.]
Voice #1: "Did you bring refreshments?"
Voice #2: "I found this bag of stale Fritos in my car." [FBI Note: The meaning of this codeword is unclear at this time.]
Voice #1: "Enter, brother."
Voice #2: "Sorry, I had trouble finding this place. It's not listed in the program."
Voice #1: "Of course it isn't. We're not part of that bunch at the convention center." [FBI Note: Reference unclear.]
Voice #3: "You mean they threw us out for 'treason' after last year when you had to go do your own thing and take us with you." [FBI Note: Keyword "treason" resulted in this conversation being pulled from the Echelon Intercept Database for further analysis.]
Voice #4: "Hey, we had a better time last year than ever before. No hassles, no rules, lower cost ..."
Voice #3: "No food court, no dealer hall, no seminars, no new products, and he didn't even show up."
Voice #1: "Stop complaining. They threw us out."
Voice #5: "Not technically. We could have come here."
Voice #1: "Not me, and not most of us. Most of us had kids in school and could not be here after they changed the schedule." [FBI Note: The phrase "kids in school" is thought to mean "terrorists in training camp." The reference to a change in schedule may be why no terrorist attack was detected during the previous 12 months. Twenty-three field agents are digging into that.]
Voice #4: "You weren't followed, were you?"
Voice #2: "No, I went through the Puffing Billy room to make sure I lost any tail in the crowd. [FBI Note: The phrase "Puffing Billy room" is thought to refer to a nearby Amtrack station. Fifteen field agents are now checking that facility for any suspicious devices.]
Voice #1: "Now that Brother Ted is here, can we get going?"
Voice #3: "That's gonna be kinda hard after the fuzz confiscated all of our counters." [FBI Note: The term "fuzz" refers to law enforcement. The meaning of "counters" may refer to dangerous radiological materials or perhaps drugs.]
Voice #4: "Yeah, some idiot had to haul his cartload of counters right past the registration desk. Those Gamma goons said that they were prohibited because of last year's incident." [FBI Note: The term "goon" is a clear reference to prison guards. Based on this, the Greek letter "gamma" is thought to refer to the Federal supermax prison at Marion, Illinois. This part of the conversation is thought to refer to a failed attempt to smuggle contraband to terrorist suspects imprisoned at Marion.]
Voice #1: "They had no right to take my counters. The US Constitution doesn't allow them to do that." [FBI Note: Another reference to "counters" which may refer to radiological devices intended to cause a mass-casualty event, i.e., a "dirty bomb." It is well known that terrorist groups try to use their "constitutional rights" to subvert the needs for reasonable homeland security requirements.]
Voice #6: "I think I got this worked out. The peanuts are the clinks. The raisins are the Feds. The candy corn are the furballs, and the Hershey's kisses are the rockheads." [FBI Note: Analysis of these codewords is ongoing. The "Feds" are obviously Federal law enforcement agencies. The term "clinks" may refer to prison guards.]
Voice #7: "What about the gorns and roms?" [FBI Note: The term "roms" may refer to the Romney campaign staff, but this is unclear. No one has identified what a "gorn" is. The only reference in the database is to one episode of a 1960s television show and obviously irrelevant.]
Voice #6: "We won't get around to them for a week. We can find something in the meantime."
Voice #8: "You mean I can find something in the meantime. You already used all my snacks for counters. Why don't you use Ted's stale Fritos for the snakes?" [FBI Note: The term "snakes" is unclear but may relate to the Israeli codeword "viper" which means "nerve gas."]
Sound of knocking on door.
Voice #4: "Cheeze it, the Gamma goons!"
Voice #5: "Ted, you were followed, you idiot!"
Voice #3: "Hide the maps!"
Voice #1: "Calm down, everyone! ... Who is there?"
Voice #9: "The Mentor, a friend to the order." [FBI Note: This codename is thought to refer to a native-born American terrorist suspect with former connections to military intelligence and a radical Texas-based militia group.]
Voice #1: "Enter, Mentor."
Voice #9: "Sorry for the delay. Jean would not let me out of the booth while the media was hanging around. She sent brownies." [FBI Note: "Jean" has been identified as a college professor from the southeastern US whom even liberal colleagues refer to as "radical." The term "booth" may refer to a secret terrorist headquarters. It is thought that "media" may refer to Homeland Security agents. The term "brownie" clearly refers to marijuana.]
Voice #3: "He brought counters!"
Voice #6: "Real ones?"
Voice #9: "I am a river to my people."  [FBI Note: This phrase is commonly used by Middle Eastern warlords who spread a small portion of the money collected from bribes and other corrupt activities to the population to maintain loyalty. Refer to Anthony Quinn in the movie "Lawrence of Arabia" for an example.]
Voice #3: "He brought seltorians!"  [FBI Note: Other references to "seltorians" as "bugs" may mean this is code for electronic listening devices.]
Voice #9: "Just got them from the printer."  [FBI Note: The term "printer" is possibly a reference to an organized crime group that sells weapons and explosives to terrorist groups on a "no questions asked" basis.]
Voice #1: "Did you bring rules for the seltorians?" [FBI Note: The term "rules" refers to detailed plans for an attack.]
Voice #9: "Nah, I figured we'd just wing it."

This group obviously poses a clear and present danger to the American people. The immediate arrest of the entire group is suggested at the earliest opportunity.

Captain's Log #46 (c) 2013 Amarillo Design Bureau, Inc.