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Friday, October 17, 2014


Here's what's starting later this fall (Part four of four)

GOLD MINING MORONS: Why go to someplace yucky to mine for gold when you can do it in your own back yard? Watch our plucky crew of couch potatoes go to the wild outback of Amarillo, Texas, a full five miles from the nearest Cracker Barrel and Holiday Inn. Listen to Jean ask them "Why don't we go to North Carolina where there actually is gold?" Watch as they ignore Jean, set up a sluice box with instructions printed in Chinese, learn to drive a four-ton bulldozer, and set up a windmill to supply water to the operation. Will they find gold? No, there isn't any here, but they've got about the same chance of success as the guys on those other shows.

REALITY SHOW PREPPERS: Has your restaurant, bar, or hotel signed up to be on a reality show? Have you ever watched one? Don't you know that the first half of the show is going to make you look bad so the expert can save you? Avoid embarrassment by having our crew of experts (led by Fearless Leader Stephen) get there a week early. Expert chef Jean streamlines your menu. Expert accountant Leanna gets your books in order and drills you to memorize and recite the key numbers. Expert operations chief Steven whips you and your employees into a frenzy of cleaning. Expert web designer Simone rebuilds your website, launches your social media campaign, and installs new software. Expert maintenance chief Mike gets everything working and a repair schedule established. Meanwhile, our fearless leader rethinks your entire business plan. On tonight's episode, hotel owner Ken asks "You mean discounts for skinheads is bad for getting families to stay here?"

LEGENDARY: Each episode begins with the gang sitting around the ADB office chatting. Eventually, one of the Steves recounts a "war story" from his past, at which point our expert team of re-enactors (from the local college drama department) recreate the actual events. On tonight's episode, watch as the Steves crew the secret Army space shuttle to rescue a Nazi astronaut stranded in orbit for 75 years.

GAMING WITH THE STARS: We take Hollywood action heroes and run them through hard-reality RPGs based on their movies. In tonight's episode, Bruce Willis says "What do you mean I'm dead? That worked in the movie!"

GRIMMACE: Detective Patrick is cursed. Deeply depressed, he wants to die, but fate won't let it happen. Perhaps that's because he's one of the very few humans who can see the demons walking among us in their true form. The demons fear him because the pained expression on his face frightens them out of their wits. In tonight's episode, Patrick confronts a demonic chef determined to poison him with onions in a stew including human flesh.

CSI AMARILLO: In tonight's episode, the sheriff notes that the burglar who has robbed three houses so far this week was shot and killed by a housewife while robbing the fourth. "Case closed," he declares. "Let's go get a beer."