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Friday, October 25, 2013

How to Serve up Hydran

A while back on the Federation Commander Forum there was an exchange about Hydran ships. It quickly degenerated to the usual discussion about Kzintis preferring Hydrans barbecued. It then had a couple of interesting exchanges


You know very well that it is BBQing ONLY if the meal is rushed. BBQ sauce covers up that Hydran je ne sais quoi.

A gentle marinade of the Hydran (covered with a thin layer of sea salt) takes at least 24 hours. That is followed up by rinsing the Hydran and patting it dry. A nice flavored butter is then patted over the Hydran and it is seared at a high temperature to seal in the flavor. Then the temperature is reduced and the Hydran is cooked until the desired interior temperature is reached. (Be sure not to get the thermometer too near a bone.) Garnish appropriately and serve piping hot.

While some swear that slices are best cooked in a cast-iron frying pan, it is generally agreed that this tends to toughen the Hydran.

[From the article "How to Serve Hydrans" by Cat Who Cooks. (Kzinti Culinary Delights v. 500, no. 5, 2560). Please note that this article is considered quite controversial as some consider that it is intellectually plagiarized from the article "Hydrans Served Well" by Purrr Sweet Lee, published in Now We're Cooking, v. 428. no. 3, 2540. Kzinti cooking enthusiasts point out the different temperatures and suggested marinades yield a completely different (and exquisite) flavor. Lyrans tend to roar "Thief" and slaughter those who defend the Kzintis. Most diplomats are cautioned to never mention the article.]


The question was then asked by a "Klingon" if the technique didn't make the Hydran taste rubbery. The response is below.


From Cat Who Cooks: 
A rubbery-tasting Hydran is a clear indication that the preparation has been rushed. The salt tends to draw out the more unpleasant tastes of a Hydran (found in those who have prepared theirs quickly) and the marinade is designed to deeply penetrate the Hydran (do be sure to cover the Hydran completely in the marinade).

No doubt you have only been served Hydrans prepared by Lyrans and no doubt that is why you think them rubbery. It is a clear indication of the lack of culinary skills typical of that Empire.

This was received from Purrr Sweet Lee:

That lying [expletive deleted] furry [expletive deleted] thief wouldn't know how to serve a Hydran any more than harejkaslaas can fly. [Please note that harejkaslaas weigh several tons and live in the sea. --ed.] In all truth, we had to rush the first one we served to a Klingon and he said he just adored it, so that has been the manner of preparation for Klingons since that day. This is the first notice we have gotten that perhaps Klingons were just "being polite". We shall try to rectify that in the future.


And so now you know. Of course, in the tradition of the greatest of cookbooks, one should note that first you must catch the Hydran.